Have you moved so quickly to judgment you’re not yet even aware you’ve walked down the path with all the emotions too?
We make up stories all of the time - our brain likes patterns, they give us comfort. Oh, I know what’s going on, it says. What’s the truth? Can we slow down enough to ask, especially if it involves another?
On this morning’s walk, I found a mostly eaten apple at the top of one of our 8’ fence poles along the path. I sure couldn’t reach it so immediately it evoked a reaction - laughter! How did that get there? Who ate it and left in a hurry? Or maybe it was a slow enjoyable breakfast - like avocado toast with a poached egg and a yummy tea or fancy coffee and something inspiring to read as a slow still start to the day.
I won’t be able to ask what really happened this time. I can only make up stories, but maybe you can ask.
My favorite way to deepen a relationship, particularly with a strong emotional reaction is to offer…”the story I make up in my mind is,” and wait for the reality to reveal itself. Then more becomes available beyond my singular emotional reaction and storied thought process. This is especially powerful when there is a strong reaction of any kind. “Take a breath and offer…” I remind my brain.
What’s the story you make up in your mind about this apple?
Sitting atop the 8’ fence pole 2/3 finished what do you start telling yourself happened?
We often make up stories about what we see, what they said, why so many other things but unless we ask or offer we don’t really know.
I asked this apple what happened to you - the story I make up in my mind is that a chipmunk came by to have a snack and then they got chased off or distracted. I wonder if they’ll come back to finish it later. It’s certainly a nice spot to perch, peruse and nourish oneself. Oh to be so small sitting atop the world.
When you catch yourself making up stories about what someone did or said - ask, “the story I make up in my mind is…” and then wait for the answer. That other human can tell you their truth so you can deepen your connection and build trust.
I imagine talking to chipmunk about the taste of the apple, and I’m so curious to find out why she or he abandoned it part way.
Have fun asking. Trust me, there’s more joy that way.
What’s the story you make up in your mind?