Asheville has become my home and has been for many years now. I moved here in 2012 from Tampa Florida where I got sober in 2008. Asheville is an awesome place to re-invent oneself, nestled in the beautiful Blue ridge mountains and at an elevation of around 2200 above sea level. I read in a piece about Asheville recently that its long been known as “Paris of the south” which could be believable if you have never been to Paris and if you hadn’t heard the same thing said about a half a dozen other southern cities!!!!! The Attraction to me as a sober person is its vibrant recovery community, and nature provided activities and the all round friendly vibe, difficult to find in larger cities. From Cocaine Anonymous to Alcoholics Anonymous to Narcotics Anonymous and every Anonymous in between, there’s a program for anyone looking for that life change necessary to live a life of peace and purpose in recovery. Since moving here there have been 4 new treatment centers for Substance Abuse Dis-order open and many many halfway houses open to boot, some good and some not so much. Unlike Treatment Centers who accept Insurance for their services, the cost of sober living is an out of pocket expense in the state of North Carolina and this cost can run 500 to 5000 per month in Asheville alone!! Many , though not all clients are not fiscally independent and rely on parents and family members to help them through these financially tough times and for most of these families its their first time having to navigate this part of their loved ones recovery. I would like to share my own experience regarding that important transitional choice, from treatment to Sober living in the hope that it will help those about to make that decision and some of the things to look out for.
Full transparency, I work as admissions coordinator at a sober living in the Asheville area and have done so since its opening in 2016. I speak with parents and clients on a daily basis and have lived and worked in the sober living for the first year of operation. For many years in my past I have worked as a bartender and my prior career was in advertising in London England. I remember back in the late eighties getting the pep talk from my boss at WCRS which was one of England’s top 10 agencies where he told me one of his secrets of success in Advertising, “ Always remember Advertising is not about how good you are its about how good you’re seen to be” Wow I remember thinking to my self at the time and for many years after, I don’t have to work on anything because I already live in a world of deceit and grandiosity, ain’t life great!!!
So pushing the clock forward to 2008 when I got sober and started working the steps it occurred to me I had been living a life of fear and resentment and the very “survival traits” I had embraced were actually character defects that contributed towards my Alcoholism. My introduction to Sober Living was when I moved to Asheville in 2012 and as part of my commitment to my own recovery I started to bring 12 step meetings and sponsorship to halfway houses in the area. Working with others has been the keystone to keeping myself in check and in doing so I have been able to get out of my own Selfish Self Centeredness. I learned a lot about sober living homes from my visits there and more importantly listening to my sponcees and what they had to say and being able to identify what were the real from the false complaints. In 2016 armed with a decent knowledge of the program and the support of many people working in Substance Abuse Dis-order I helped open a sober living home and have worked there since. The most important part of learning anything is the ability to remain humble and always maintaining an open mind! “Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn”… Ben Franklin. So over the years I have witnessed many miracles involving the change people have been able to make in their lives. I have been a very small part in very real things by immersing myself in my new chosen career path and have gotten more satisfaction from working with new comers than I could ever imagined.
One of the things about Sober Living that bothered me from the get go was the fact that it is not regulated by city county or state!!! So where is the accountability??? We discovered an organization called National association of recovery residences who pointed us to the North Carolina Affiliate NCARR and underwent inspections to where we were Level 3 certified. NCARR involvement means adherence to standards set nationally and address everything from medication disbursement to size of occupancy and relapse policy. Articles of Incorporation, Insurance, payment methods, mission statement, employee qualifications and training are all scrutinized before certification can be given. I personally welcome accountability however rigid because after all, we must hold ourselves to high standards when peoples lives are at stake!!
I have seen so many Sober Living Homes come and go in the past 5 years its apparent that maybe not everyone is properly equipped with the dedication necessary to run such an important operation!! One of the most important (to us) requirements to having a happy healthy home is dependent on the people who work in such an environment.
House managers are mentors and should, I feel, have some experience in lived recovery, so we made it a point of only hiring for that position people with at least 2 years of recovery, absolute minimum !!!! The State requirement for Peer Support is One year lived recovery if you identify as being in recovery, and many related organizations adopt a similar time frame, treatment centers or wilderness programs. I have seen guys open their own Sober living homes with as little as a year of sober/clean time and thought to myself “interesting.” I have seen places make clients “House Managers” after 6 months Clean/Sober !!!
I sometimes wonder are we really doing a service to our community by not seeking higher standards of the people running these important transitional homes?? When looking for a plumber or an electrician or even looking for an exciting new place to eat, a lot of people will google and find this information online, a big part of the search will be looking at reviews and asking pertinent questions when calling which is obviously important in the decision making process. Most treatment centers will provide a list of approved transitional living choices but it helps to know what kind of questions to ask whenever you call up. I have had numerous calls over the years from out of state parents looking for a place specifically in Asheville, and I’ve done my best to provide as much help and even given parents a list of questions they could ask while calling around
Q. How long has your Sober Living Been in operation?
This is important because its good to try and find a place with history and standing in the community.
Q. Have you been owned and operated by the same group/owner for all the years in operation?
Like any kind of Business or operation consistency is important, was this a place that had great standing and reputation for doing the right thing but has changed ownership in the past few years? Is its integrity in name alone or are they continuing with the same operation that earned that same accolade . I have seen a sober living in my area do exceptionally well for years and then change hands 4 times in 3 years!!! Yikes what’s going on there?
Q. Are the clients monitored 24/7 and by whom?
The backbone to any organization offering a service is only as strong as the employees who offer that service, obviously, so what kind of service are you paying for????? Is there a manager on property 24/7? Not always the case unfortunately and dependent on whether or not it’s a paid employee or a resident who’s getting a break in his rent to act as manager!!! This is more common than most people realize but is motivated perhaps more by economic than anything else. The guy entrusted to be manager will likely have a paying job and a life outside the responsibilities to the sober living home. Many years ago I got a frantic call from a sponcee who just landed in a sober living home fresh out of treatment, and who was having really bad cravings and wanted to go get high!!! I suggested he talk with the house manager but was told that the house manager was out on a date and left instructions not to be bothered!!!!! WTF? He hadn’t been taken to a meeting that day and was shown his room and left to his own devices!!! Not good at all , I took him to a meeting and found him an alternative living arrangement pronto!!!
Q. What does a typical day look like at your sober living?
It’s important to ask this because you are not necessarily paying for a bed you are paying for accountability, and you need to check on the level of structure if any that’s in place. The cost of sober living will play a lot in to this and you need to know exactly what you’re paying for. Some places offer a program of activities including gym membership , therapeutic modalities, transportation, life coaching group therapy with licensed professionals etc. And the more they offer the more you will end up paying. The disparity of cost should match the services offered obviously. Places that spend a lot of time on their website talking about the granite worktops in the kitchen and the cypress wood floors may offer more in the area of comfort and less in a program of accountability, remember what you’re looking for and try to focus less on the décor and the fact that they have a flatscreen in every room and more on what they are doing to help you’re loved one live and learn in recovery. I remember visiting a newly opened Halfway House many years ago and was given the “grand tour “ of this beautiful home in the suburbs, it was 2 o’clock in the afternoon and there were 4 guys playing a video game 2 guys in bed and one guy passed out at the kitchen table next to his breakfast. This would be a good example of a place where no program existed but the décor seemed nice lol
Q. Do you conduct random drug testing?
Drug testing is an important and necessary tool for the smooth and safe running of a Sober Living home. Some places offer 12/14 panel testing and breathalyzer others also include Lab screening that can detect Kratom and other experimental drugs not detectable on instant cups.
Q. What plan is in place for relapse?
In the unfortunate case of relapse, which is unavoidable sometimes, what are the policies in place? Is the relapsed person removed from the community immediately without help or support or are they given the opportunity to get into a safe place like detox and then treatment??? They have to be removed immediately but to where? Do you have a safe plan for someone who wants help or do you just drop em off to fend for themselves? A good plan could make a difference between life and death unfortunately and should be treated as such!
Q. Are you 12 step immersed and if so how many meetings are clients required to attend?
Most places require Clients attend at least 5 meeting per week. Some require meeting sheets be filled to prove attendance and some will bring new clients to a meeting.
Q. Do you provide transportation or are you close to a bus line?
More and more places are providing transportation, Asheville does have public transportation but the service is limited and as accommodation has become less affordable lots of residences are forced to move outside of the city limits and outside of public transportation. Most houses will allow their clients use of their vehicles .
Q. What is the Curfew?
All sober living homes have a curfew and also allow over-night passes for visits with friends and family on approval by management
Q. Do you have a plan in place for Covid outbreak ?
Is there a designated area for Quarantine? Do you accept un-Vaccinated clients
Q. How long before I can get a job? Are clients restricted on the type of work they can do?
Some places , particularly more structured residences will require a period of time before they let their clients work and can range from 30 to 45 days, the idea being that they are given time to focus on step work and learn balance.
I hope my experience serves as a useful tool to anyone who finds themselves in a position of looking for a suitable place for a loved one.
Slainte